Lidt om zenmestre

Ligesom zen ikke er en filosofi, er de fleste zenmestre ikke filosofer - i hvert fald ikke i den gængse betydning af ordet.

Ved første øjekast, kan det være svært at se, hvad mesterens særkende er. Måske er det vægtning af en bestemt praksis eller æstetisk disciplin. Måske er det en særlig evne til at træne elever eller en vilje til at overføre zenpraksis til en ny kultur.

I ethvert tilfælde, kan man regne med, at mesteren ER en mester, i direkt linie med patriarkerne.

Det er et spørgsmål om stilen. Og, hvad den stil egentlig er, opdager man oftest først længe efter, man er begyndt som den mesters elev og har opnået en vis modenhed.

Mange elever har billeder af, hvad en zenmester er. Disse elever bliver skuffet, når de opdager, at mesteren er "bare" en mand, en kvinde, ikke perfekt, med eget karma. Andre bliver skuffet, når mesteren ikke "redder" eleven fra ulykker og farlige omstændigheder.

Mindful as an ant on its way, as the grass growing, as...

This morning I had a Disney dream, populated by talking ants and singing blades of grass. Existing for the benefit of all beings, they hoped to teach us humans the mindfulness that just naturally "is", when we let go of illusion, of the dualistic thought that anything can be separate.

Our "heroes", a married ant-couple, bravely set out on the road to California (do not ask me why!). Buffered about by wind and chance, they must survive in the cracks in the road, until the snow falls in big large flakes, giving them - and their children - a chance to slip away in safety.

They make it to Los Angeles, to the grassy field that was their goal. And at that place, the humans have arranged a seminar in mindfulness, a seminar that these ants somehow have instigated. Until the ants arrive, the seminar is rather theoretical --- lots of talk and things written on the chalkboards by the German teacher. All the students are sloppy, not caring where their coats are lying or if the coffee cups are washed. Once the ants come, however, all is changed - a new teacher has arrived and the students wake up to reality as it is, knowing just what to do.

Fade-out to the melody of the singing grass.

Knowing what to do

Today, after morning zazen, I collapsed while walking out the zendo door. Something purely physical/somatic - a "snap" I could feel and hear. Suddenly I couldn't bear my own weight.

Now: aside from the scrapes and bruises, it's like something has disappeared from me; a burden of my own creation has exploded - and I am free.

Now: I know what has to be done and can just go on with my life, with living.

I am thankful.

The penny drops...

I've been reading alot of accounts of how Buddhist temples, monasteries and places of practice are established.

And I can see - in most of the stories - that it is the sangha that gets it all together.

I've been conflicted for the longest time about how Egely should be established. And now I finally see that it must be through our mutual efforts of practice, of dana, of sila. Then this place will flourish from the combined energies of us all and be open to more energy. Flowing, nothing forced.

Earlier, I had figured on "if you build it, they will come". So, I have driven myself crazy about fund-raising strategies, our half impoverished state, etc. I have considered the commercial uses of meditation, the secularization of Buddhist practices in order to accrue building funds; I have been envious of those meditation teachers who exploit the practice for simply commercial gain, even though they ARE selling something they really believe in the value of (knowing that the world can be changed).

Today, I feel liberated from this self-inflicted burden. I will not single-handedly build the monastery, I will not single-handedly fund this project. Please, those of you who need to have a place to come to practice Zen, those of you, who need a teacher - Come! Build! Stay! Help realize the potentials of these walls, this earth, of (and for) us all!

And I - with all my heart - once again am thankful for the work of all of you that have been here and done the renovations, the building, the planting, the weeding, the giving. I hope you know that Egely is yours and I hope that you will return!

View from my window

In this one reality that we share there are so many views!

Today, I discovered one of the reasons why I don't feel secure about Eckart Tolle. There's just something missing. Maybe it's maturity. And maybe there's also a nagging feeling that he is giving people a "recipe" for reaching an enlightened state that really can't be reached by just reading words (unless you happen to be THERE, where the only thing you need is that last push).

And then, of course, there's alot of something, too. He just doesn't speak my language. I probably should be very thankful that precisely his words inspire people to dig deeper, see more clearly, and breathe more easily.

I guess I really have to work on this judgemental side of myself...

Teachers

I've been reading about teachers. About the recent hisory of Buddhism in the West. About Europeans and Americans who travelled to Japan and India to find a practice and a teacher. About the challenges ethnic Buddhist teachers have when their pupils are from the West, especially when they themselves move to the West. And about the challenges Western teachers have introducing Dharma to their own cultures.

One thing is very striking: all these stories I have read about those who are searching for a practice illustrate individuals who have expectations. Expectations to themselves and the practice, certainly --- but most especially: expectations regarding their teachers. I've seen it here at the monastery, too. An expectation that the teacher is "perfect" or somehow, that because he/she has woken up to Buddha's way and is "enlightened," that no mistakes can be made, that everything is totally clear. And, after all, "perfect" is based on our own judgements and ideas --- there is no perfect!

After a particular bit of drama, my own teacher, very affected by this singular chain of events, cried, "I am just a man on the Way! I, too, have my karma." Some of his students wouldn't listen, expecting some kind of omniscience, I suppose. Seeing this man work, eat, and rest every day, I have complete faith in him and the Way we are walking.

I have also read descriptions of how some teachers seem to propogate idealization by, among other things, letting senior monks and nuns "do the dirty work" or simply by not allowing close access. This is also part of a system of training in some traditions, so I suppose there is a real purpose here, too.

I am just very grateful that there are people, dedicated to the Dharma in such a way that they can't do anything but help us!

Mindfulness

This morning, I saw how healing zazen practice and koan training are.

Zap.

Healing isn't the same as getting rid of external things that make us suffer. Healing is "making whole again". Whole with everything, whole with reality as it is, including what seems to create suffering. And reality isn't what is going on outside of us! We are unseparable from reality. So, is it just our extra stuff, our judgements, our egos, that make us separate and suffering? And if we cut these off, and return to reality, as it is, free from judgements, from like and dislike, from good and bad, and are just here, just now, following each breath, unattached and free, will we be suffering?

This is why zazen works for me. Being mindful of each breath, there is no "extra space". Thoughts are stopped, no processing takes place, everything is as it is, and I know what to do. This practice is one we can take with us everywhere. Just be mindful, aware, alive!