The first days of Spring

Spring feels good. Here, the fragrances of pig-fertilizer mix with plum-flower and are carried on the breeze into the zendo and the house. The sun is warm, the wind still a bit chilling. All the early weeds blossom and stake out a home in the lawn, in the flower garden, between the paving stones, in the middle of the bunches of daffodils and hyacinths, wherever there is a spare millimeter of soil. All the plants would like some rain, but that seems unlikely, so Denko waters where and when it is necessary: just a bit of water to keep things alive, to start the vegetable garden... If we're lucky, we can feed you when you visit with asparagus, potatoes, tomatoes, bok choi, lettuce, spinach, 3 X squash, pumpkin, carrots, beets, etc.

These first days of Spring... My zazen is filled with questioning. Mainly about "letting go"- Spring cleaning? A redundant theme, I know, but it must be fully digested, it has soooo many faces! How can I live and train as a monk and even think about applying for jobs? Have I made my choices prematurely? It seems that my trust in karma, my confidence in "just-so" these days is not natural. My heart fills with joy and "feeling-at-home-ness" when I open the altars, chant, instruct newcomers, sit in zazen, prepare food; is it ego-istical to want to continue like this when we don't have funding to buy the food or clothes we need, to pay for water and electricity, to even begin building?

Buddha's birthday

We celebrated Buddha's birthday this year during sesshin. So, here's a snap from the family album!

Wow.

Just out of sesshin. Intense. Every sesshin is unique and no sesshin is ever a waste. This sesshin was joyful and I am grateful to everyone who has been here. We enjoyed the energy of the full moon and the coming of Spring, the time of Pesach and Easter, the totality of beings everywhere engaging the Way.

As the han-playing tenzo, I got to enjoy the entire spectrum of sesshin sunrises on my way from the zendo to stirring the porridge. Therefore I share these photos here!

SESSHIN!

We've started getting ready for sesshin here.

I always get a kind of hectic, anticipatory, joy thing going on about a week before we start. Never beforehand knowing how anything anyway will develop, these feelings are essentially without any meaning whatsoever. I'm just always grateful that I have this chance to intensify practice.

Be back in a week and a half or two. May true Dharma continue and all beings realize their true nature and live fully aware. See you later!

Dette øjeblik

Det er et naturligt menneskeligt egenskab at ville dvale i emotioner, såsom glæde, sorg eller vred, som opstår som en reaktion til nærværende betingelser uden at tage højde for, at "nu" er et resultat af forudgående årsager. Det er således uden logik at betragte nu-et alene som en genstand for fornøjelse eller tolerance og overser det som mulighed for at skabe fremtid.

(overs. fra Dream Conversations af Muso Kokushi, trans. Thomas Cleary)

I går løb mine følelser afsted med mig. Jeg NØD faktisk min vrede i et kort øjeblik - det var befriende fordi jeg skød ansvaret fra mig; det var et andet menneskes skyld, det var en andens dumhed. Det var befriende fordi jeg en kort stund kunne have ondt af mig selv, som et væsen adskilt fra resten af universet, uden at have "rigtig" med-liden med mig selv og derved HELE universet. Men allermest var det befriende fordi jeg derefter pludseligt så - virkelig SÅ - min grundlæggende angst for at være
helt alene
&
uelsket
&
grim
&
uduelig
&
glemt
og efterfølgende kunne udslukke den angst mens jeg gik på landevejen under stjerner og skyer, tilbage til zendoen.

Jeg kom også til at gøre nogen fortræd igår. Og de konsekvenser må jeg leve med. Jeg er dog tryg med det, da der alligevel er ingen anden mulighed.

Dette indlæg er hverken poetisk eller peger på stor visdom. Det er dette øjebliks ansigt.

Rice-cake

Life flows. During the past few days, things have been been kind of syrup-y.

Molasses.

Treacle. Caramelized. Sweet, slow motion. And sticky. So I baked a chocolate-coffee-cinnamon cake.

The light is returning, the days are getting longer, and there is this overwhelming sense of joy just flooding me, giving me energy. The earth renewing itself is always accentuated by the springtime. The smell in the air, the cold breeze carrying just a hint of warmth, birdsong...

I just opened "Moon in a Dewdrop - Writings of Zen Master Dogen" to this page: "A painting of a rice-cake does not satisfy hunger." Hmmm. At first, this statement seemed very clear. And then not. Dogen encourages us to understand the meaning of this with body and mind.

I don't think I've ever tasted chocolate-coffee-cinnamon cake because of hunger. Denko always says that we have to examine things carefully, word for word, to look at how we are affected, to see what things REALLY are. So, I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Zazen, zazen... (snap, snap)

What is really good about zazen is "waking up". Things that are unclear and troubling vanish - and the light just shines on through. The issues don't disappear, but they are certainly put in perspective. And the whole world unfolds.
When, for some reason, I don't sit on my pillow for days on end, I can feel myself slipping back into habitual, unreflected behavior. Oh, boy! Then I start to resist practice. I can see it all clearly happening, in some dualistic sense.

Dogen has said,

If practice and realization were two things, as it appears to an ordinary person, each could be recognized separately. But what can be met with recognition is not realization itself, because realization is not reached by a deluded mind.

Hmmm.