Spring feels good. Here, the fragrances of pig-fertilizer mix with plum-flower and are carried on the breeze into the zendo and the house. The sun is warm, the wind still a bit chilling. All the early weeds blossom and stake out a home in the lawn, in the flower garden, between the paving stones, in the middle of the bunches of daffodils and hyacinths, wherever there is a spare millimeter of soil. All the plants would like some rain, but that seems unlikely, so Denko waters where and when it is necessary: just a bit of water to keep things alive, to start the vegetable garden... If we're lucky, we can feed you when you visit with asparagus, potatoes, tomatoes, bok choi, lettuce, spinach, 3 X squash, pumpkin, carrots, beets, etc.
These first days of Spring... My zazen is filled with questioning. Mainly about "letting go"- Spring cleaning? A redundant theme, I know, but it must be fully digested, it has soooo many faces! How can I live and train as a monk and even think about applying for jobs? Have I made my choices prematurely? It seems that my trust in karma, my confidence in "just-so" these days is not natural. My heart fills with joy and "feeling-at-home-ness" when I open the altars, chant, instruct newcomers, sit in zazen, prepare food; is it ego-istical to want to continue like this when we don't have funding to buy the food or clothes we need, to pay for water and electricity, to even begin building?
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