lørdag den 30. maj 2009

Teachers


I've been reading about teachers. About the recent hisory of Buddhism in the West. About Europeans and Americans who travelled to Japan and India to find a practice and a teacher. About the challenges ethnic Buddhist teachers have when their pupils are from the West, especially when they themselves move to the West. And about the challenges Western teachers have introducing Dharma to their own cultures.

One thing is very striking: all these stories I have read about those who are searching for a practice illustrate individuals who have expectations. Expectations to themselves and the practice, certainly --- but most especially: expectations regarding their teachers. I've seen it here at the monastery, too. An expectation that the teacher is "perfect" or somehow, that because he/she has woken up to Buddha's way and is "enlightened," that no mistakes can be made, that everything is totally clear. And, after all, "perfect" is based on our own judgements and ideas --- there is no perfect!

After a particular bit of drama, my own teacher, very affected by this singular chain of events, cried, "I am just a man on the Way! I, too, have my karma." Some of his students wouldn't listen, expecting some kind of omniscience, I suppose. Seeing this man work, eat, and rest every day, I have complete faith in him and the Way we are walking.

I have also read descriptions of how some teachers seem to propogate idealization by, among other things, letting senior monks and nuns "do the dirty work" or simply by not allowing close access. This is also part of a system of training in some traditions, so I suppose there is a real purpose here, too.

I am just very grateful that there are people, dedicated to the Dharma in such a way that they can't do anything but help us!

søndag den 17. maj 2009

Mindfulness


This morning, I saw how healing zazen practice and koan training are.

Zap.

Healing isn't the same as getting rid of external things that make us suffer. Healing is "making whole again". Whole with everything, whole with reality as it is, including what seems to create suffering. And reality isn't what is going on outside of us! We are unseparable from reality. So, is it just our extra stuff, our judgements, our egos, that make us separate and suffering? And if we cut these off, and return to reality, as it is, free from judgements, from like and dislike, from good and bad, and are just here, just now, following each breath, unattached and free, will we be suffering?

This is why zazen works for me. Being mindful of each breath, there is no "extra space". Thoughts are stopped, no processing takes place, everything is as it is, and I know what to do. This practice is one we can take with us everywhere. Just be mindful, aware, alive!

torsdag den 30. april 2009

The first days of Spring


Spring feels good. Here, the fragrances of pig-fertilizer mix with plum-flower and are carried on the breeze into the zendo and the house. The sun is warm, the wind still a bit chilling. All the early weeds blossom and stake out a home in the lawn, in the flower garden, between the paving stones, in the middle of the bunches of daffodils and hyacinths, wherever there is a spare millimeter of soil. All the plants would like some rain, but that seems unlikely, so Denko waters where and when it is necessary: just a bit of water to keep things alive, to start the vegetable garden... If we're lucky, we can feed you when you visit with asparagus, potatoes, tomatoes, bok choi, lettuce, spinach, 3 X squash, pumpkin, carrots, beets, etc.

These first days of Spring... My zazen is filled with questioning. Mainly about "letting go"- Spring cleaning? A redundant theme, I know, but it must be fully digested, it has soooo many faces! How can I live and train as a monk and even think about applying for jobs? Have I made my choices prematurely? It seems that my trust in karma, my confidence in "just-so" these days is not natural. My heart fills with joy and "feeling-at-home-ness" when I open the altars, chant, instruct newcomers, sit in zazen, prepare food; is it ego-istical to want to continue like this when we don't have funding to buy the food or clothes we need, to pay for water and electricity, to even begin building?

onsdag den 15. april 2009

Buddha's birthday


We celebrated Buddha's birthday this year during sesshin. So, here's a snap from the family album!

mandag den 13. april 2009

Wow.




Just out of sesshin. Intense. Every sesshin is unique and no sesshin is ever a waste. This sesshin was joyful and I am grateful to everyone who has been here. We enjoyed the energy of the full moon and the coming of Spring, the time of Pesach and Easter, the totality of beings everywhere engaging the Way.

As the han-playing tenzo, I got to enjoy the entire spectrum of sesshin sunrises on my way from the zendo to stirring the porridge. Therefore I share these photos here!

onsdag den 1. april 2009

SESSHIN!


We've started getting ready for sesshin here.

I always get a kind of hectic, anticipatory, joy thing going on about a week before we start. Never beforehand knowing how anything anyway will develop, these feelings are essentially without any meaning whatsoever. I'm just always grateful that I have this chance to intensify practice.

Be back in a week and a half or two. May true Dharma continue and all beings realize their true nature and live fully aware. See you later!

tirsdag den 24. marts 2009

Dette øjeblik




















Det er et naturligt menneskeligt egenskab at ville dvale i emotioner, såsom glæde, sorg eller vred, som opstår som en reaktion til nærværende betingelser uden at tage højde for, at "nu" er et resultat af forudgående årsager. Det er således uden logik at betragte nu-et alene som en genstand for fornøjelse eller tolerance og overser det som mulighed for at skabe fremtid.

(overs. fra Dream Conversations af Muso Kokushi, trans. Thomas Cleary)

I går løb mine følelser afsted med mig. Jeg NØD faktisk min vrede i et kort øjeblik - det var befriende fordi jeg skød ansvaret fra mig; det var et andet menneskes skyld, det var en andens dumhed. Det var befriende fordi jeg en kort stund kunne have ondt af mig selv, som et væsen adskilt fra resten af universet, uden at have "rigtig" med-liden med mig selv og derved HELE universet. Men allermest var det befriende fordi jeg derefter pludseligt så - virkelig SÅ - min grundlæggende angst for at være
helt alene
&
uelsket
&
grim
&
uduelig
&
glemt
og efterfølgende kunne udslukke den angst mens jeg gik på landevejen under stjerner og skyer, tilbage til zendoen.

Jeg kom også til at gøre nogen fortræd igår. Og de konsekvenser må jeg leve med. Jeg er dog tryg med det, da der alligevel er ingen anden mulighed.

Dette indlæg er hverken poetisk eller peger på stor visdom. Det er dette øjebliks ansigt.