Life before and after kessei, August 2010

I had written this some months ago, after a long monastery winter:

This morning I was reading a textbook on Buddhism. Reading about Buddhism - for me - is very, very far away from "living" Buddhism. There are so many words and concepts! While I am certain that these are inspiring for others, this is definitely not my way.

We have just finished an intense period of training here, with people joining us from across oceans and mountains. It has been a time of challenges and meeting new perspectives. It has been FUN!!!

We have been - and are - actualizing, as we can, the words I had read this past Spring. Not by doing certain, specific things, but by doing all things as mindfully and compassionately as we can. Zazen gives us all a chance to examine this life and see things as they really are. And a true joy of life, in life, as life arises.

How lucky I have been to be able to spend this summer supported by people and practice. I am grateful for this life.

Falling off

Buddhist blogging and on-line stuff seems to get soooooo serious. At least, I seem to get caught up in these quasi- and virtual realities. Discussing practice is one thing, living it is another. Even though these are intimately related and are expressions of each other.

I ended up during the Christmas break spending way too many hours on-line, discussing all sorts of subjects on a Buddhist internet forum. Tempers got aroused - even some teachers allowed themselves to get drawn in to the heat of things. Easy to see that we all are just people... practicing...

One of my concerns about starting a blog (or even answering questions or commenting in a forum) was observing "right speech". Who is this about? What influence will my words and pictures have on people who visit? How do Bodhidharma's words:

A special transmission outside the scriptures,
Not founded upon words and letters;
Pointing directly to the mind,
Seeing into one's true nature and thus attaining Buddhahood.

fit with my even trying to formulate anything at all about Buddhism?

Anybody want to help me here?

Lidt om zenmestre

Ligesom zen ikke er en filosofi, er de fleste zenmestre ikke filosofer - i hvert fald ikke i den gængse betydning af ordet.

Ved første øjekast, kan det være svært at se, hvad mesterens særkende er. Måske er det vægtning af en bestemt praksis eller æstetisk disciplin. Måske er det en særlig evne til at træne elever eller en vilje til at overføre zenpraksis til en ny kultur.

I ethvert tilfælde, kan man regne med, at mesteren ER en mester, i direkt linie med patriarkerne.

Det er et spørgsmål om stilen. Og, hvad den stil egentlig er, opdager man oftest først længe efter, man er begyndt som den mesters elev og har opnået en vis modenhed.

Mange elever har billeder af, hvad en zenmester er. Disse elever bliver skuffet, når de opdager, at mesteren er "bare" en mand, en kvinde, ikke perfekt, med eget karma. Andre bliver skuffet, når mesteren ikke "redder" eleven fra ulykker og farlige omstændigheder.

Mindful as an ant on its way, as the grass growing, as...

This morning I had a Disney dream, populated by talking ants and singing blades of grass. Existing for the benefit of all beings, they hoped to teach us humans the mindfulness that just naturally "is", when we let go of illusion, of the dualistic thought that anything can be separate.

Our "heroes", a married ant-couple, bravely set out on the road to California (do not ask me why!). Buffered about by wind and chance, they must survive in the cracks in the road, until the snow falls in big large flakes, giving them - and their children - a chance to slip away in safety.

They make it to Los Angeles, to the grassy field that was their goal. And at that place, the humans have arranged a seminar in mindfulness, a seminar that these ants somehow have instigated. Until the ants arrive, the seminar is rather theoretical --- lots of talk and things written on the chalkboards by the German teacher. All the students are sloppy, not caring where their coats are lying or if the coffee cups are washed. Once the ants come, however, all is changed - a new teacher has arrived and the students wake up to reality as it is, knowing just what to do.

Fade-out to the melody of the singing grass.

Knowing what to do

Today, after morning zazen, I collapsed while walking out the zendo door. Something purely physical/somatic - a "snap" I could feel and hear. Suddenly I couldn't bear my own weight.

Now: aside from the scrapes and bruises, it's like something has disappeared from me; a burden of my own creation has exploded - and I am free.

Now: I know what has to be done and can just go on with my life, with living.

I am thankful.

The penny drops...

I've been reading alot of accounts of how Buddhist temples, monasteries and places of practice are established.

And I can see - in most of the stories - that it is the sangha that gets it all together.

I've been conflicted for the longest time about how Egely should be established. And now I finally see that it must be through our mutual efforts of practice, of dana, of sila. Then this place will flourish from the combined energies of us all and be open to more energy. Flowing, nothing forced.

Earlier, I had figured on "if you build it, they will come". So, I have driven myself crazy about fund-raising strategies, our half impoverished state, etc. I have considered the commercial uses of meditation, the secularization of Buddhist practices in order to accrue building funds; I have been envious of those meditation teachers who exploit the practice for simply commercial gain, even though they ARE selling something they really believe in the value of (knowing that the world can be changed).

Today, I feel liberated from this self-inflicted burden. I will not single-handedly build the monastery, I will not single-handedly fund this project. Please, those of you who need to have a place to come to practice Zen, those of you, who need a teacher - Come! Build! Stay! Help realize the potentials of these walls, this earth, of (and for) us all!

And I - with all my heart - once again am thankful for the work of all of you that have been here and done the renovations, the building, the planting, the weeding, the giving. I hope you know that Egely is yours and I hope that you will return!

View from my window

In this one reality that we share there are so many views!

Today, I discovered one of the reasons why I don't feel secure about Eckart Tolle. There's just something missing. Maybe it's maturity. And maybe there's also a nagging feeling that he is giving people a "recipe" for reaching an enlightened state that really can't be reached by just reading words (unless you happen to be THERE, where the only thing you need is that last push).

And then, of course, there's alot of something, too. He just doesn't speak my language. I probably should be very thankful that precisely his words inspire people to dig deeper, see more clearly, and breathe more easily.

I guess I really have to work on this judgemental side of myself...